 |
|||
| |||
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
| ||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||
|
Serious Dieting Tips, Humorous Explanations
A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it. Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my plan is more sneaky than that. First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been carrying around my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site. Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to change my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear. Will it work? I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And so far, I have lost14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost a few more, because I have been getting ahead of schedule on adding those muscle pounds. I would love to tell you what my weight is now, but that's very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I believe it is so that people can easily move between Earth and the Moon without being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .) While there is more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not. Tip #1: Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed. Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away. Tip #3: Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. After all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom. Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in advance deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?) Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country. Tip #6: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches. Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce... Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet. Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you? Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, because #10 on any top-ten list is always a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds ... and have permission to actually eat it. I hope these tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant amount of weight if they follow these ten tips along with watching their calories according to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish. About The Author David Leonhardt writes about happy thoughts at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com , positive thinking at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html and tearing down your house at http://www.thehappyguy.com/home-improvement-project.html ... so why not write about dieting?
MORE RESOURCES:
Weight-Loss - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Wellness Coach Reveals Celebrity Diet We think we know everything there is to know about them. After all, faithful paparazzi hunt them down just so we can get a picture or a glimpse of their lives. Six Super Easy Weight Loss Tips If you have been trying to lose weight permanently, then these six weight loss tips may be just what you need to kick start your weight loss program. You may have heard some of them before, but if you make them a part of your core goal, you will not have as much difficulty achieving your weight loss goals. Gastric Bypass Surgery - How Fast Will I Lose The Weight? The gastric bypass procedure isn't for everyone, but those who've had it - an you will of heard of the success stories tooted by the marketing wizards and infomercials, the gastric bypass achieves maximum results and starts 'working' right away after surgery. Well it would, since patients are unable to eat more then a few spoon fulls of food per serving!For those that endure this mental torture (I'm kidding, I just can't imagine eating so little with my personal love of food!) weight is lost extremely rapidly. A Personal Trainers...Holidaze Rules of day to day no longer apply as you surrender to the hearts and minds of those closest. Conversation, food and wine are intoxicating. Dieting and Exercising - Results all the time! Dieting and Exercising - Results all the time!To be successful in keeping to an exercise program, you going to have to define results. Results for most mean weight on a scale, a dress size, the number of pounds on a bench press, and your waist size. Mediterranean Diet - What is It? Well, to begin with, there isn't really any one Mediterranean Diet! There's a whole swag of countries bordering the Mediterranean Sea. The basic Mediterranean Diet has common characteristics even if the sourrounding countries differ in culture, language and recipes to some extent. Diet Tips for Weight Loss: Free Diet Tips Which You Cant Afford to Miss! Obesity is a disease that is not caused by a bacteria or virus but a person's own eating habits. It is a disease which is very easy to get rid of just by changing your food habits. Causes of Childhood Obesity Obesity is defined as an excessive accumulation of body fat. Obesity is present when total body weight is more than 25 percent fat in boys and more than 32 percent fat in girls. The Myth of Fast Weight Loss You will be surprised to find out how many people are actually looking for a fast weight loss program. Why fast? Well, first of all, most of us are impatient. The Fastest Way To Your After Photo You've seen them a hundred times: "Before" and "After" pictures. Are you ready to be the one in the photos? Don't wait until you lose more weight. A Warning of the Complications of Gastric Bypass Surgery Gastric bypass surgery involves stapling the stomach to make it smaller and reattaching the small intestine to bypass a portion responsible for the majority of calorie and nutrient absorption.The procedure is only available to the morbidly obese (more than 100 pounds overweight) who have been obese for more than 5 years and shown a serious effort to lose their excess weight through not surgical methods such as diet and exercise. Push a Button to Lose Weight Trash Your TV! is pleased to announce the easiest weight loss program in the world. It is as easy as pushing a button-the "Power" button on your TV. Avoid Commont Fitness Pitfalls While exercising isn't complicated, it's very easy to make mistakes. Often times the mistakes are made because of lack of proper technique training or simply due to rushing to get the workout completed. Gastric Bypass Causes Hair Loss: Can It Be Avoided? Surprisingly, hair loss is one of the reasons female pre-operative patients sit on the fence before deciding to have gastric bypass surgery. Obese people, particularly obese women, often have lush gorgeous hair. An Interesting Look at Mini Gastric Bypass Surgery Gastric bypass surgery has many forms and can involve stapling and banding of the stomach as well as bypassing a portion of the small intestine. The most popular method today is a combination-approach that staples the stomach into a small pouch while reattaching the small intestine to the pouch forming a Y-shape so patients lose weight both because they eat less and their bodies absorb less of what they eat. Fat, Fat Go Away I am Dr Patrick Flanagan, and this is the latest edition of my Dr Health Secrets newsletter.Lately I have written about toxins in our water and food supply. Eating Sensibly, Working Out and Still Not Achieving Your Goals? Are you working hard in the gym 3 times a week, eating sensibly but still struggling to lose that weight or change your body shape?Have you previously lost weight by starting to exercise and watching what you eat, only to continue gaining fat despite sticking to your programme?If this sounds familiar, there are a couple of things you should take a closer look at?1.The components of your exercise programme2. Weight Loss and Diet Programs - The Real Skinny on What Works Best! Have you ever wondered with all the weight loss programs offered today, why we are on the verge of a diabetic andobesity epidemic? Have you ever thought that maybe doctorsand gym owners would rather you not know the right way tolose weight? Think about it? If we did, whose pocketwould it hurt? On the other hand, maybe they just are not motivated enough to explain it us? Worse yet, maybe they don't even know how to help us long term?Twenty years of health club management, fifty thousand hoursof paid personal training sessions and working with some ofthe most famous people in the world tell me; we are focusingon the wrong things. What does it take to stay on an exercise and eating program? The answer may surprise you. Grains and Weight Loss--Do Whole Grains Help You Lose Weight? Whole grains and weight loss have a definite, scientific, and proven connection. Perhaps that is not the best way or most accurate way to say it. The Secret to Reaching Your Ideal Weight There are many books and internet articles written about weight control. However, if you already know the stuff you should be doing, you might want to skip past the next section of this article.
|
| Arcade Games | site map |
| © copyright NextAge Technologies Ltd @ 2006 |
